The wisdom of anxiety

On my recent trip to India, one of the most priced item I have brought back, other than the wealth of experiences during the trip was a book entitled "the wisdom of anxiety".

It seems almost "cult-ish" to be reading the book as it seems that the book was actually SPEAKING to me! It appears to me that the book has been found by me in a bookshop in faraway India - in Ahmedabad through a strange but predestined occurence because it answers some of the stangest questions that have been bugging me and verbalises some of the ideas that have formed nothing but shapeless notions in my mind.

At the crux of it lies the notion of the here and now. That we should be living the moment and not be living for the past, because we can't change it, and not for the future because we can't shape it. If we were to live for the past or the future for that matter, we will never be happy. How can you be happy if you are not in the present moment to enjoy whatever experiences that are presented before you?

Also, importantly, that fear is more fearful than the actual event that induces the fear in you. This makes a lot of sense as I read it, it's the fear of some dreaded event that haunts you greater than the trauma of the event happening itself. However, it's only tonight that I not only understand it but fully comprehend it as I experience it.

In a frantic rush to send out a few emails before heading out this evening, I have sent out an email which I really shouldn't have. And really, this folly must be the greatest boo boo I have made in my working life. AND it is actually keeping me awake at 3am by the constant thought of the consequences rushing through my head!

The rational me would say why worry now since there is absolutely nothing you can do at 3am in Kuala Lumpur anyway? And that would have been my rational reply to friends who may be caught in a situation unlike mine. However, being human, it is almost natural to worry about things, much as we know that we shouldn't and it really doen't help at all by worrying.

Something addressed in the book but which remains a huge challenge to be conquered by the human race...

I shall work on that and try to get some sleep really, so far deep breathing exercises mastered in my yoga classes doesn't help. Maybe after verbalising it, I have taken some of the anxiety away and will be able to get some sleep.

Nites!