Windows

I have just heard recently from a girl friend that she does not really know her boyfriend totally because she is still constantly discovering and learning things about him, which really comes as no surprise given that people are multi-faceted creatures.

I liken little glimpses of people's characters to windows which are open once in a while, and you take a peep of what's behind the window if you are at the right place at the right time in the right situation when the window happens to be open.

Sometimes you may have known someone for the longest time but you were never in a particular situation with the person, you may have never known how this person would react in such a situation and you would have never seen a certain aspect of his / her character.

Sometime you see the strength of a person in adversity, sometimes you see weakness, sometimes you like what you see and sometimes you don't. Sometmes through this little window, you may have shared something very special with someone, but because it is just a window, it may someday close and you may never relive the experience nor have any proof that it does indeed exist.

My aunt Linda passed away Dec 05 when I was away in Europe. I remember I was in Rome when I received an sms from my cousin Emily that aunt Linda had passed away . It was a strange string of events just before her death that I could not fully explain, I could only thank the opportunity of sharing this little window of time with her a few weeks before her death.

I grew up in my granny's place with where aunt Linda used to live and was in close proximity with her since young. She has as an aunt showered us nieces and nephews with lots of love and attention which unfortunately grew into a strange awkwardness as I grew up and was not in much communication with her.

About two weeks before she passed away, my sister was trying to go around her neighbbourhood to get kids to enrol in her home tuition class and have seeked my help as well as aunt Linda's. When aunt Linda met me at the MRT station, she commented that I looked pretty as usual. She never fails to complement me whenever she sees me, which I guess I took for granted. We went around to the neighbourhood together from door to door trying promote the tuition class and at the end of it rested at my sister's place for a breather before dinner.

At the dining table as we were chatting over a glass of juice each, she suddenly broached the subject of my mom, which we have never spoken of, or never had the chance to. She said that my mom loves me and my siblings very much and were very proud of us. She once told aunt Linda that she will die with no regrets as she has done enough for the family and has nothing else to worry about. Nobody has every spoken of this to me and the honesty of it frightens me a little. Before we could dwell into the subject, my sister was home to pick us up for dinner. So that was where we left off.

The next weekend when we were supposed to do our rounds at my sister's neighbourood, I was told aunt Linda had blacked out. I did not think it was anything serious then and only got to seeing her at the ICU 2 days later after I realised that her condition was indeed serious and that she was in a coma. It was one day before my departure for Europe, but as she was in a coma and we could not talk, I could only hold her hand and tell her to get well soon.

What remains with me thereafter is the little window that we shared and the little knickknacks and ornaments that I found in my room that were once gifts from her to me as a child.

Very often, these little windows are windows of blessings. Sometimes I wish I could go back to them to relive an experience or find that someone who has portrayed him/herself in a particular light that I don't usually see but wish I did. But I guess I should just be thankful that these windows have presented themselves to me and cherish them more because some may be more short-lived than others.